I remember the day I first saw you because that was the day I whispered to my heart “are you ready to break” . I wish you would talk to me & tell me what you truly feel before I have to make a decision based on your inability to communicate . My eyes are filled with tears , my heart filled with pain , my body aching without you , my life is incomplete without you . I made a mistake will you forgive me ? I didn’t cry at first . I was in shock . I sat there and took the heartbreak in , then let it all out when I couldn’t have bare to keep it in me . To know how I feel you will have to walk in ,y shoes , but that cant happen so I guess you will never know . I hate that feeling that I will probably never have chance with you . Its hard to wait around for something that will never happen but also know hat it is all you have ever wanted . I just cant stop thinking about it . Its tearing me apart , I wish you could just holed me in your arm & say you love me . But I can see that will never happen , I have tried to reach you but you are getting farther away from me . Seems like I no longer in your need . I’ll take my step & walk away forever . No doctor can fix the pain I am feeling , no amount of time will heal the wound , my heart is shattering into million pieces don’t you see what your silence did to me ? You wonder why I don’t talk to you , its just that everything I want to say I cant tell you anymore . I need to find myself. Find what I want and what I'm like. Somewhere in the mix I lost myself. A mess is what I am, but a mess is not who I am. I just need out.. I lie to myself i will be OK. I tell others that i am fine. But deep down i know the truth i know that I'm falling apart and i have nothing to hold me together.. I will curse, I will pray, I'll re-live everyday. I'll shout out your name. I will laugh, I will cry, shake my fist at the sky. But I will not say goodbye. Why is it that I have all the answers for everyone else but can't seem to give myself any?? I'm always there to help others, but never help myself?!
I don't want to fall asleep, cuz I'm afraid to dream. I'm afraid to dream cuz I'll dream of you. I don't want to dream of you, cuz I know it'll never come true.. As I lay here I look at the sky and think of all that happened and say to myself
“never again will birds song will be the same
And to do that to birds was why he came”