Saturday, January 14, 2017

What if you had sailed on your paper boat?

The fact that we are too afraid to set asail in our paper boat is a proof of how the society has functioned us into believing that we are meant to be their version of "right". The misfits, the introverts, the socially awkwards, the sensitive, the naive, the gullible, the one's with no grey areas. A. K. A the ones that are "too much, " the ones  refusing to blend in.
Too many labels for someone who is so much more than flesh and bones. Who gave us the right to judge? To share a piece of our not so valuable perspective upon what is right or wrong? Our two bits of pessimism  has successfully created a society of people who are too scared to take a plunge. 
The constant pressure to get a job, earn, build a good house, marry the right person. Stop. Stop. Stop. Let us take a step backwards.
What if one doesn't want any of these?
What if I have a  key that will open this locked corner of my heart that contains all my hidden potential? The problem is, the key has a layer of rust and the lock refuses to open. Now, naturally we have to remove the corosion. How? After years of social conditioning, we refuse to even try. There are things you do for living, things that make you feel so distant from yourself. Albeit, you are fantastic at this job profile which is not meant for you. Your current partner is the definition of all that the relatives and friends consider "socially acceptable".
Yet, a part of you feels so distant from yourself, from your own soul.
There is an advertisement flashing in your mind. It keeps telling you to ride on a paper boat. Something inside you is desperate to thump, feel alive, be present in the world. The key is gathering rust. And you have no idea what a paper boat signifies. 
What do you do?  
Take a plunge into the deep seas. Not everyone can find their calling, but you have. It has to mean something, perhaps? You can succumb to the wolves and their commercial greed, or you can die trying to live for your art and for everything that makes you feel alive. It is time for you to gather your rosebuds while you may. The longer you wait, the longer it will take to use that key that has started corroding. There is something thumping inside you. Listen to it. It won't say no.
The truth is, we will always be too afraid. Too afraid of complications. Sometimes we like the sadness. We are too afraid to do what feels right. Too busy to take a moment in the busy day for your damn self and breath. Too conditioned into believing that one cannot live for art. Too embarrassed to go out with unkempt hair and pajamas. Too unprepared d
 for that impromptu trip to another corner of the city. Too afraid of failing.
We want to sail in our paper boats, but we are too afraid of drowning. Too occupied being their version of right to even try and be your own version of excellent. Too tried to even make an effort to reach for the shore. So our heart keeps making muffled prayers, hoping that we would listen to it. Sometimes the rust of opinions, judgments, fear is too loud and we mistaken the pleas of heart to be just a tiny little voice. Therefore, sometimes we live our lives with wishful thinking. What if. What if. What if.
What if I had taken the chance?
What if I had taken the last bus to nowhere?
What if I had taken up a job that fuels my passion?
What if I had never commercialised my script?
What if I had left the person who makes me feel distant from myself?
What if I had decided to live for my heart?
What if I had learnt patience?
What if I had lived for my Passion?
What if I had lived for myself?
What if I had sailed on my paper boat? 

-Ayushee Ghoshal

Friday, January 6, 2017

Did You Build Yourself Up Inside My Head?

Too many days and nights have passed in the confines of my small room. Too many futile longings haveflickered and killed themselves in this darkness.
It is all flesh to flesh. Hearts are made in toy shops these days. Good ol romance is a legend. Every notion of love invites complications. We are too scarred. Too scared. We have learnt to love from afar, in silence. Perhaps, we are stuck in a vicious circle of constant hurt.

My eyes chose to convince me that you are not you anymore. I look at you like nothing matters, like you have not tore this heart into a billion pieces. My breath is racing against time as i watch you hold her hands and walk on the road that we had once walked upon. Is it so easy to forget someone who gave you all their heart? I can do nothing but watch as you stir her coffee,  your eyes smouldering with lust. Once innocence had simmered in the brown of your eyes. Your lies unravel in front of me. All the 'I cant live without you. Cant think of you with someone else' have been tossed and discarded like previous night's breath.

You are a lie, conjured up in form of a person. I stand here, looking at you. I ask myself. Did I make you up inside my head or did you make yourself up inside mine? Tell me the version of you that I must believe? Perhaps, help me erase you, since it is only fair, since you have already erased me. Perhaps, you are afraid of the best that you can be.

My heart is a whore.. Always looking for love where it doesn't exist.


You are holding her hands in yours. I am standing in the corner, feeling pinned inside a belljar. I am asking myself. Did I make you up inside my head or did you make yourself up in mine? -Ayushee Ghoshal