The mistake is yours: For the choices you've made, for the bridges you've burnt.

There she was. Alone and desolate. She was struggling for something. A remedy, a helping hand, anything. But she knew that the struggle would do no good.Somewhere, she was sure she deserved it.So what do you do when you are so confused that you end up losing your paradise, twice? Do you forgive yourself and  move on or do you keep holding on to the bits and pieces of the once perfect dream, hoping that you won't have to face the consequences of the choices you made, choices that had dramatic consequence? This is no movie, there won't be a happy ending. The choice was always yours, you made the wrong one. You burnt the wrong bridges, now you are stuck in an island so forlorn that any trace of relief sounds like a bizarre, far fetched cry. So what stops you from crying now? Your ego? Yes, may be. You valued it more than you valued anyone. Or wait, was it your inability to communicate? Well, you'll never find out. And that is your punishment. For  making the wrong choices. Now you are alone. Struggling for relief, waiting for another chance. But you know you won't have another chance. You'll sail through your life and say it was "destined to happen. You were destined to stay alone." Days will go by, like sand flows through a sand glass. Nothing will change. Salvation is and will always be a far fetched cry. You'll get what you deserve: Here if your boat, no you won't get any oars.The earth is round, sail your way out of this soledad's river.


Notes :
Soledad means "lonely place" in spanish.

A tiny tale : The Visitor

One stormy night there was a knock at his door. His  heart was roaring with fear and legs were trembling out of weakness, he opened the door.The moonlight shone and draped the visitors face with an unexplainable hue of melancholy . Tears mingled with raindrops rolled down his face. The visitor joined his palms, and before breaking into tears he murmured  "Forgive me". A thud, and he was on the floor.

The visitor  had eloped with the owner's wife after gifting  him  an ugly scar. The owner spent his life hiding from the world.The scar drew pity from many, at times it drew terrified glances. So he locked himself in the house for the rest of his life. For the world , he was 'dead'.

The man on the floor was ego,
apologizing to the owner of the old house, his name was "relation".
"How is she ?" the owner asked. He still missed her, "words".
"She is dead". The visitor declared,his eyes burnt up with guilt and the last thing he saw was the  weak rage in the old man's eyes, before the shovel penetrated his chest. The visitor had finally received his reward.

That strange friend named "Ego" : A short story.

Ego is a strange thing. It doesn't change what you feel , but it ensures in its own sweet way that you proceed towards self destruction.It ensures your withdrawal from the world , from your close one's , from people who mattered.
It would be the last time , she had thought. Not until she had had that conversation , had she realized that she was one self concieted woman , who placed her ego before every one , before everything.But he had made her act in ways she never thought she would. That she , Marisa D'souza , would fight so hard to keep him close. He ,who had triggered the series of unsupressable emotions. But how could she tell him , when she knew that the words that had escaped her mouth that evening , were too harsh to be taken back. But she wished she could. Because with every lup dup of her heart , it was getting difficult for her to anticipate if he would ever come back.
"Guess what Selva ? Even if we were the last humans on the earth , I'll never chose you. Even if I don't have a choice" Her comment was met with series of shrieking silence.But now she wished she could take them back. She tried to tell him , tried to get their friendship back on track , tried to forget that they'd had a moment a lifetime ago.She failed. For his ego was big enough to block away emotions. Why wouldn't he , when his were denied so blatantly , in a ruthless way.Yet, he wished , wished to talk to her the way they used to , wished to laugh at her silly gestures , wished to take a walk to the metro station like they used to. He tried to tell her , tell her that he was sorry , but he had a friend named ego. And every time his once best friend 'heart' made him so restless as to pick up his phone and talk to her , his new best friend named 'ego' would snatch it from his hand , remind him that she thought he was not good enough. If only this friend really knew him. The once best friend kept on whispering "Go to her , she must be waiting for you to contact her. May be she is too scared to contact you. May be she never meant those words. May be she is not an egotist as she claimed to be. May be , just may be , she wants to tell you innumerable things." But he ignored "what could be". He saw what was , and yet was invisible. He held his new best friends hand , wallked on , walked away.
There , she kept on wondering how after everything that had happened , he made everything look so easy.How easily she gave up her ego to bring him back in her life but he took no notice. He walked away. "May be" , she thought "I was right. I am a self concieted woman. A woman who can never be good enough for anyone.How I wish I could tell him , tell him that I would chose him even if I don't have a choice."
Despite everything they thought , every unwanted emotion that clogged their mind , nothing severed the ego from their existence.Life moved on and unjumbled verses and incomplee dreams became an inseperable part of their life. Alas , their once best friend grew week and died. However the sin it had committed , lived on after its death. The mark it had left on their life , they could never erase it ,  no matter how hard they tried. They learnt to live with it. With the offspring of their once  best friend. They named it "Regret"

An Excursion of Insight : Harsh Agarwal : Book Review

OverView 
Sonam was young of course, but this does not tell the story of just another young lad! Sonam did fall in love with Sarika, but this is not just another candid love endeavour! It all happened in an Engineering College Campus, but still it's not just the tale of another Campus. 
Sonam, who had his own dreams and vision, came from the Land of Bhutan to India to pursue Engineering. A Buddhist (both by birth and faith), a little philosophical too, but the reader is not given a philosophical treatise on Buddhism.
A story that takes you from the valleys and tea-gardens of Assam, to the hullabaloo of student life and eventually to an Excursion, An Excursion of Insight...



Intriguing is history, while its chapters unfold;yet rumour it was,till it stood untold"

An excursion of Insight is not just another book. It is about innocence and how our society murders it. It is the story of a system that changes you , if you try to change it. Harsh Agarwal, who was just 19 when he wrote this book , has done a commendable job .

The love affair between Sonam Dorji and Sarika is sweet , however, not exceptional. The love story is but a phase of Sonam's life that leads him towards his destination.
 The circumstances surrounding the protagonists life, push him towards a realization and before we realize , involuntarily , Sonam sets off on a life altering odyssey.The destination of this odyssey can only be reached after one has battled the vagaries of life.
I am of the opinion that the ending was kind of abrupt and the twists were foreseeable. Editing could have been better. I did spot some spelling and punctuation errors.The love story becomes boring after a point. May be because there is nothing extra ordinary about it.

Apart from that , the imagery and description of the situations , have been jotted down with such ease and perfection that it brings the book to life.One good thing about the book is that you can somewhere relate yourself with the characters of the story. (More so , if you are an engineering student :p). There is a striking touch of reality.After reading the title, if you are expecting the protagonist to set off on a literal journey , with his bagpacks , then you will be disappointed.
It is a journey , for sure. Sonam will take you on a philosophical journey. Read this book for Sonam , his innocence is rare and his questions ,  thought provoking.
The story leaves behind a trail of questions. "Where is our society heading ? Do we live in a society that follows the 'sab chalta hai' attitude ?,
Isn't accepting and not raising your voice against evil a greater sin ? Are we all , by doing so , not fueling the malice and corruption named fire that is eating up the  society ?"
This and many more. An excursion of Insight , coming from the kitty of a young author , is simple and straight from heart.An easy one time read.
3 out of 5 stars.
PS - Way to go , Harsh.Something other than a chic flick from a nineteen year old. 'Insightful'
:)

About the Author
Harsh Agarwal is a young writing enthusiast who made his debut in the publishing industry at the age of nineteen. An excursion of insight is his second novel.
Harsh, basically a third year Mechie from NIT Assam, always aims to present out of the box stories. He is a voracious reader, a professional freelancer, and a book-reviewer as well. He currently owns a literary organization Asylum (www.theasylum.in) which is dedicated to aspiring authors.
He is also the project head for Times Lost Atlas (anthology of short stories) and chairperson of a charitable project, Project Humming Bird.
Apart from writing, Harsh finds interest in music, travelling and networking.

The story of a middle class man : EMI and the triple six offer.

A middle class man got up every morning at five and went for jogging.He wanted to stay healthy because he had to support a family of three.He prayed every night before going to bed "Save my family from every misfortune.At least till my daughter is old enough to support this family.Keep her safe.Keep me safe , so that I can repay all my debts and loans.So that my daughter doesn't have to struggle.So that she can concentrate only on her life and career.I may not show how much I love my wife , but when she prepares tea for me every evening despite the way she struggles with her arthritis,my heart goes out to her.Keep her safe because I still need her"
The family of three used to sleep in one room.The man would sleep on the couch because the bed was too small to accommodate three people.That room also had an air conditioner.The only air conditioner that this family could afford.
One morning , while reading the newspaper , the man sprang up with joy. "Air conditioners for a down payment of Rs. 666" His wife had been asking him to install another Air-Conditioner.With EMI's so easily available , they could pay off the money in installation.
"How happy she would be" he thought to himself. "But I have a housing loan to repay.I also have to repay Sonali's educational loan.I can manage without an air conditioner for another four years.Besides Sonali will buy me one once she gets a job.But what about Reeta ? She would be happy.I guess I should buy it.Rs 666 is a meager amount." Lost in all his thoughts and after much ado , the man stayed back while his wife and daughter went to bargain and make the deal to bring home some happiness.
After having finalized that they wanted to buy a voltas Air conditioner , worth Rs 20111 , the duo talked to the sales man , who till now had been reassuring them that they would have to pay Rs.666 as down payment and Rs.1933 towards EMI every month.When they sat down to make the payment , the salesman asked for their credit card. They didn't have one. The salesman corrugated his bows but again smiled appealingly.
"That is absolutely alright mam.Now you have to pay Rs 7932 only for down payment.The tripple six scheme is available only for customers who have a credit card.Others have to pay four months EMI as down payment"
The mother and daughter duo looked at each other with a frown. They knew they could not afford to pay Rs.8000 at once.Mrs. Reeta Sinha requested the salesman to manage.Jugaad , anyways works in India.But he plainly denied with a smile. Both of them walked out of the showroom. "It is all because of your Father. Had he given the money willingly , we would have bought the AC by now. Even Mrs Kapoor has three Air conditioners.Her husband is two posts junior to your father.Its all his fault."
The daughter looked at her , disgusted. "Please maa.For once stop this blame game. You know we cannot afford to spend 8000 at once.Dad is not at fault." They had a petty argument and drove back home in awkward silence.None was ready to talk to the other.
Mr.Sinha was sleeping when Sonali opened the door. She stood near his bed , examining the wrinkles on his once perfect face , his hair that had grayed with age and the spots underneath his eyes due to high blood pressure. He opened his eyes and looked at her . "What happened ?  Where is your mother ? When will they deliver the A/c ? How much did you pay ?" he fired questions at her with child like curiosity.
"Mom is buying groceries at Kamal Kirana. The offer was only for Credit Card holders" she declared , coldly.
The excitement from his eyes fainted , he was reminded of the troubles he had faced when he owed a credit card.Credit card was not a middle class man's best friend , nor was a second air conditioner.Infact, a middle class man is a person who gives up his dreams for his family.A
 morose look spread over his face.
"Ok" he replied.
That day none of them spoke. That night none of them slept in the same room.Mr. Sinha slept in another room which was burning with heat. Sonali promised to herself that  she would one day become rich and fulfill her parents dreams.A middle class family's regular day came to an end.Mr. Sinha had realized long ago and was reminded again : that a middle class man needs to be careful about what he dreams and think a million times before he conjures a wish.That his life , is only a life full of compromis.

Today as I was driving back home ~ A very short story.

Today some dreams were broken.Today I brought shame to a middle class man , who had raised me with love and care.The man who had sacrificed his happiness to make me happy looks down upon me today.
The world addresses me as a criminal.The media covered the story of a young man who had knocked down a teenager while driving back home from work.Today the news report forgot to mention that this young man , who had a ring in his pocket and his first pay check in  the other , was driving home from work to celebrate his fiance's birthday . He was driving at a speed of forty kilo meter per hour , below the posted speed limit , even though he had a terminally ill mother waiting at home with his favorite Gulaab Jamun to celebrate his first pay check and that the victim was an intoxicated drug addict with suicidal tendencies who deliberately jumped out in front of my vehicle. 

The Wuthering Heights : Ralph Fiennes as Heathcliff ?

(1777, aged about 13) Do you mark those two lines between your eyes; and those thick brows, that, instead of rising arched, sink in the middle; and that couple of black fiends, so deeply buried, who never open their windows boldly, but lurk glinting under them, like devil's spies?
(1783, aged about 19) A ray fell on his features; the cheeks were sallow, and half covered with black whiskers; the brows lowering, the eyes deep-set and singular. I remembered the eyes.
Ralph fiennes (he who should not be named) played Heathcliff in one of the movie adaptation (there are eight movie adaptations)  of "Wuthering Heights" - a classic story of  love that destroyed everyone it touched.I have been reading this book for quiet some time now and every time I read Ellen's description of the anti hero  , even in my wildest imagination , I did not picture Ralph fiennes as Heathcliff.Now after going through the list of movie adaptations and trailers , I am sure Julliet Binoche did a great job in choosing Fiennes to play the Fiend.It didnt work out well for Laurence oliver  or Tomy Hardy or James Husow.To me, Heathcliff is one of the most complex and compelling characters ever written and I had once thought that any actor would fall short in playing him in a film or miniseries. Having watched this beautiful and haunting adaptation of one of this novel which I just finished reading , I have to say that Ralph Fiennes has more than succeeded in bringing the aforementioned anti-hero to life. Emily Bronte would have been proud. Everyone who has read Wuthering Heights knows about the tragic love story between Cathy and Heathcliff and how he becomes a dark, brooding, manipulative, diabolical man who takes his revenge on the people who he feels have wronged him and torn him away from Cathy, including her daughter and his own child and ward. Fiennes brings out Heathcliff's many conflicting emotions flawlessly and his performance floored me.I think when it comes to playing a diabolic unsympathetic brute , no one does it better than Fiennes.