Musings #1: This world exhausts me

In my moments of solitude I do not think of myself. I think of others and their stories. It might be someone I had an eye contact with in the metro, someone I chatted with on a local train, an acquaintance,  a batch-mate. I wonder who or what keeps them awake at night. I know these people only as human beings. I do not know if their heart or brain functions the way mine does. But I have this absurd habit of reasoning out their acts, thinking about their lives, their loneliness and the baggage of pain that they carry within themselves. And I hope with all my heart that their share of hurt, pain and misery doesn't change them into someone they are not. I hope that they land up in some place that gives them all the little joys and happiness that they couldn't find in themselves and people around them. All of us are blindly seeking something without knowing the consequences thereof. All it takes is a split second for our lives to change, for dreams to transform into nightmares and I hope they have the strength to live with their choices.
This world exhausts me. When I think of life and the complexity of the stardusts in this Universe, I want to run to a place that protects my heart. A place that I can call my home.

(c) Ayushee Ghoshal

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The mistake is yours: For the choices you've made, for the bridges you've burnt.

There she was. Alone and desolate. She was struggling for something. A remedy, a helping hand, anything. But she knew that the struggle would do no good.Somewhere, she was sure she deserved it.So what do you do when you are so confused that you end up losing your paradise, twice? Do you forgive yourself and  move on or do you keep holding on to the bits and pieces of the once perfect dream, hoping that you won't have to face the consequences of the choices you made, choices that had dramatic consequence? This is no movie, there won't be a happy ending. The choice was always yours, you made the wrong one. You burnt the wrong bridges, now you are stuck in an island so forlorn that any trace of relief sounds like a bizarre, far fetched cry. So what stops you from crying now? Your ego? Yes, may be. You valued it more than you valued anyone. Or wait, was it your inability to communicate? Well, you'll never find out. And that is your punishment. For  making the wrong choices. Now you are alone. Struggling for relief, waiting for another chance. But you know you won't have another chance. You'll sail through your life and say it was "destined to happen. You were destined to stay alone." Days will go by, like sand flows through a sand glass. Nothing will change. Salvation is and will always be a far fetched cry. You'll get what you deserve: Here if your boat, no you won't get any oars.The earth is round, sail your way out of this soledad's river.


Notes :
Soledad means "lonely place" in spanish.