Musings #1: This world exhausts me

In my moments of solitude I do not think of myself. I think of others and their stories. It might be someone I had an eye contact with in the metro, someone I chatted with on a local train, an acquaintance,  a batch-mate. I wonder who or what keeps them awake at night. I know these people only as human beings. I do not know if their heart or brain functions the way mine does. But I have this absurd habit of reasoning out their acts, thinking about their lives, their loneliness and the baggage of pain that they carry within themselves. And I hope with all my heart that their share of hurt, pain and misery doesn't change them into someone they are not. I hope that they land up in some place that gives them all the little joys and happiness that they couldn't find in themselves and people around them. All of us are blindly seeking something without knowing the consequences thereof. All it takes is a split second for our lives to change, for dreams to transform into nightmares and I hope they have the strength to live with their choices.
This world exhausts me. When I think of life and the complexity of the stardusts in this Universe, I want to run to a place that protects my heart. A place that I can call my home.

(c) Ayushee Ghoshal

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Words

These words are my home. I have tried to find out the purpose behind these infinite galaxies in my heart. I have tried to drown them in whiskey, wash them out with indifference and then I have wandered for days, looking for myself, for these words. For I can exist only when they do. In their absence, I have begged for poetry to happen to me. The inevitable conclusion has been that these words are here to stay and to make them go away will be to ask the earth to kiss the sky. These words tip toe on my flesh like a fresh morning breeze, plant soft kisses like an old lover, whisper secrets in my ears like a long lost friend. I have tried to bury them in packets of smokes and yet when I have woken up, they have been my string of sanity. They've brought comfort to me on days when the coldness of someone's heart put a winter morning to shame. The world can't make sense of my flesh and bones and these words have given me the courage to walk out of places where my company wasn't desired. While the crowd has failed me, these words have clung to my weary bones as I have stared at the constellations of thoughts and reminded me to embrace every emotion. In the happiest of moments and the saddest, these words have filled up the empty spaces in my heart. And while my flesh and bones will turn into ashes, these words won't perish with me. They will inhabit the air and whisper our secrets to every lost star, trying to find their way out of the chaos. (c) Ayushee Ghoshal