Ego is a strange thing. It doesn't change what you feel , but it ensures in its own sweet way that you proceed towards self destruction.It ensures your withdrawal from the world , from your close one's , from people who mattered.
It would be the last time , she had thought. Not until she had had that conversation , had she realized that she was one self concieted woman , who placed her ego before every one , before everything.But he had made her act in ways she never thought she would. That she , Marisa D'souza , would fight so hard to keep him close. He ,who had triggered the series of unsupressable emotions. But how could she tell him , when she knew that the words that had escaped her mouth that evening , were too harsh to be taken back. But she wished she could. Because with every lup dup of her heart , it was getting difficult for her to anticipate if he would ever come back.
"Guess what Selva ? Even if we were the last humans on the earth , I'll never chose you. Even if I don't have a choice" Her comment was met with series of shrieking silence.But now she wished she could take them back. She tried to tell him , tried to get their friendship back on track , tried to forget that they'd had a moment a lifetime ago.She failed. For his ego was big enough to block away emotions. Why wouldn't he , when his were denied so blatantly , in a ruthless way.Yet, he wished , wished to talk to her the way they used to , wished to laugh at her silly gestures , wished to take a walk to the metro station like they used to. He tried to tell her , tell her that he was sorry , but he had a friend named ego. And every time his once best friend 'heart' made him so restless as to pick up his phone and talk to her , his new best friend named 'ego' would snatch it from his hand , remind him that she thought he was not good enough. If only this friend really knew him. The once best friend kept on whispering "Go to her , she must be waiting for you to contact her. May be she is too scared to contact you. May be she never meant those words. May be she is not an egotist as she claimed to be. May be , just may be , she wants to tell you innumerable things." But he ignored "what could be". He saw what was , and yet was invisible. He held his new best friends hand , wallked on , walked away.
There , she kept on wondering how after everything that had happened , he made everything look so easy.How easily she gave up her ego to bring him back in her life but he took no notice. He walked away. "May be" , she thought "I was right. I am a self concieted woman. A woman who can never be good enough for anyone.How I wish I could tell him , tell him that I would chose him even if I don't have a choice."
Despite everything they thought , every unwanted emotion that clogged their mind , nothing severed the ego from their existence.Life moved on and unjumbled verses and incomplee dreams became an inseperable part of their life. Alas , their once best friend grew week and died. However the sin it had committed , lived on after its death. The mark it had left on their life , they could never erase it , no matter how hard they tried. They learnt to live with it. With the offspring of their once best friend. They named it "Regret"
It would be the last time , she had thought. Not until she had had that conversation , had she realized that she was one self concieted woman , who placed her ego before every one , before everything.But he had made her act in ways she never thought she would. That she , Marisa D'souza , would fight so hard to keep him close. He ,who had triggered the series of unsupressable emotions. But how could she tell him , when she knew that the words that had escaped her mouth that evening , were too harsh to be taken back. But she wished she could. Because with every lup dup of her heart , it was getting difficult for her to anticipate if he would ever come back.
"Guess what Selva ? Even if we were the last humans on the earth , I'll never chose you. Even if I don't have a choice" Her comment was met with series of shrieking silence.But now she wished she could take them back. She tried to tell him , tried to get their friendship back on track , tried to forget that they'd had a moment a lifetime ago.She failed. For his ego was big enough to block away emotions. Why wouldn't he , when his were denied so blatantly , in a ruthless way.Yet, he wished , wished to talk to her the way they used to , wished to laugh at her silly gestures , wished to take a walk to the metro station like they used to. He tried to tell her , tell her that he was sorry , but he had a friend named ego. And every time his once best friend 'heart' made him so restless as to pick up his phone and talk to her , his new best friend named 'ego' would snatch it from his hand , remind him that she thought he was not good enough. If only this friend really knew him. The once best friend kept on whispering "Go to her , she must be waiting for you to contact her. May be she is too scared to contact you. May be she never meant those words. May be she is not an egotist as she claimed to be. May be , just may be , she wants to tell you innumerable things." But he ignored "what could be". He saw what was , and yet was invisible. He held his new best friends hand , wallked on , walked away.
There , she kept on wondering how after everything that had happened , he made everything look so easy.How easily she gave up her ego to bring him back in her life but he took no notice. He walked away. "May be" , she thought "I was right. I am a self concieted woman. A woman who can never be good enough for anyone.How I wish I could tell him , tell him that I would chose him even if I don't have a choice."
Despite everything they thought , every unwanted emotion that clogged their mind , nothing severed the ego from their existence.Life moved on and unjumbled verses and incomplee dreams became an inseperable part of their life. Alas , their once best friend grew week and died. However the sin it had committed , lived on after its death. The mark it had left on their life , they could never erase it , no matter how hard they tried. They learnt to live with it. With the offspring of their once best friend. They named it "Regret"
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