Its not about what you look like - but what you actually are,,,

I have often seen people address healthy people as “FAT”. It has frustrated me to a great extent and i thought of penning down the same today. There is no other way to vent out your frustration than blogging. So I would start off by quoting my favourite author here , “‘Fat’ is usually the first insult a girl throws at another girl when she wants to hurt her. I mean, is ‘fat’ really the worst thing a human being can be? Is ‘fat’ worse than ‘vindictive’, ‘jealous’, ‘shallow’, ‘vain’, ‘boring’ or ‘cruel’? Not to me; but then, you might retort, what do I know about the pressure to be skinny” 

Out of all the things that one should she in a person , the entire goddamn point stops at “She/HE is FAT” . Yes , he is fat , but is that really important ? Is it the beauty within that counts and not the fake make up outside which can be erased with a cleanix right away ? One can join a gym and shed the extra flab , can you shed the extra flab greed , jealousy and hatred around your heart ?
Being fat effects your heart , but what about being an extremely pretty person and having a rotten soul ? Your internal decomposition process has already started and you have no clue.Being fat can just not earn the tag of “Beautiful or hot” , but how does it matter till you have a beautiful soul that actually understands the others and thinks a thousand times before hurling comments like “Fat , ugly and horrible” at others. I ask one simple question – WHY DOES IT MATTER TO YOU IF THE OTHER PERSON IS FAT ?  Is it because though they are not the skinny zero size like you are , they are still better off than you at most of the things ? Is it because though they haven’t starved themselves to death , people love and appreciate them for what they are ? Or is it because no matter what you do , you know you have a rotten soul , so much so , that no matter how much of make up you put up , you can never be as good as that “FAT” person. It is because you know they are better than you. No matter what you do ? I find calling someone fat and  making them feel small and bad about themselves an extremely coward , stupid , silly and saddist way of feeling good about yourself.I fail to understand how people resort to such means of gaining pleasure ?

Next time you call someone fat , STOP – THINK (the person you’re calling fat may be fighting a life threatening disease and surviving on medicines that make him gain weight. Is being FAT worse than succumbing to a disease and giving up ? the person you’re calling fat might be trying to starve himself to death just to fit in. Is being fat really bad than being a bully ? the person you’re calling FAT must be suffering from some genetic disorder. Is being fat worse than bringing bad name to the family or being a bad son/daughter ?) Next time you call someone fat , imagine yourself gaining 20 kg’s. Imagine that being the only option to be alive. What will you choose ? Being fat ? Or dying ?

Too often people address me as “FAT” or give me free advice “You need to shed some weight” . I mean DUDE . Stop ! I am not an addict , I am way better than you at several things , I cook for myself , I am a blogger , I can write and i have read more books than you have in you have even opened.” I might sound to be too self obsessed but isn’t that freaking more important than being the skinny zero size that you are ? On the other hand you are nothing but a moving example of the famous maxim that “Beauty and brains cant go hand and hand”. I choose to be FAT than skinny , i choose to eat , than starve myself to death just to fit into your size 0 obsessed world . I choose to be MYSELF than try and be someone for someone who doesn’t even care about WHO i actually am and focuses more on my physical beauty. Next time someone calls you fat just recite out loud “To hell with being skinny. I love the way I am. I will look at myself in the mirror and I’ll know i have a beautiful soul and YOU will look into the mirror and see your soul rottening. You’ll see yourself being pretty , being wanted for your physical beauty and once it will fade off , you wont be wanted anymore.Beauty is just ephemeral.While i will proudly be able to say i chose the people , who chose me for what i am from within.”

Feel good about what you are , who you are. It doesn’t matter if your waist size is 32 , 34 or 38. It doesn’t matter if you fit into XL jeans and tshirts. It doesn’t matter if you dont fit into the most trendy outfit available out there. All that matters is how you feel about yourself. How you feel about yourself. And trust me , start feeling good about what you are , how you are .I still remember THAT   friend of mine who once reminded me when i was low. Its been years now , but his words still ring in my ears..– “Everything thats beautiful need not be good. But everything thats good is certainly beautiful”

Smoking : Learn to say NO ! !

“Lack in life” he was hearing this way too often these days..”Do you want to smoke ?” Someone asked him .
“I don’t smoke . Thanks.” he replied. he got a weird disgusted look and the person walked away.
“You should someday try smoking.It reduces stress.” The other guy suggested.
“stress ? Arent there any other way of getting rid of stress other than smoking ?” he questioned.”
“Come on BRO ! You are so much lacking life.Stop being such a good boy ! sometimes go out . Have fun.Get rid of the stress.” The other guy patted on his back
Not quiet liking what he heard , Virat decided to reply.
“The fact that I don’t smoke doesn’t make me lacking life.But the fact that you smoke , makes you lacking life much.You know literally ? For I’ll definitely live more than you and when I’ll stand at your grave while you’ll be chilling with Jesus I will proudly be able to say “Krishna LACKS LIFE.” Moving ahead – I am out here in a pub , listening to good music , chilling at the 16^th floor in an open pub . enjoying the beautiful sight ! That’s much safer way to have fun according to me.And stress ? Really ? Am I an orphan ? Don’t I get enough food ? Do I have relationship problems ? Did I become bankrupt ? Did I loose my limb ? No ? Right ? What according to you is stress then ? Not being able to find a hot girl in college ? Or dad refusing you to pay another 2000 buck for a brand new shirt ? I see , it must be that cruel grandmom torturing your mother , who may be has never got proper education but is willing to send you to a big city and pay the best amount of money possible to get his son proper education ? Ohh no . I am mistaken I guess , it must be your girlfriend dumping you.Poor me.Sorry I don’t think all this ever happened to me , so I should really abstain from smoking.” He said calmly but each and every word of his was dipped in sheer sarcasm. Unable to bear the humiliation the other guy replied “You don’t know what life is.You have no problems.You find it easy to say these stuffs.When you figure out what stress really means you will start smoking.Then I’ll ask you if you’d still say NO to smoking.”
“No no mate.Dont defend your addiction with the word STRESS.That is LACK IN LIFE MUCH literally” He took out a cigarette and lighted it. “You see this “ he moved his finger over the cigarette. “This , is your body.It may look fit from outside.Absolutely fine ! And this lighted part is the virus which is eating you from within.The tobacco lets say represent your organs which are slowly decaying as a result of the constant intake of the poisonous smoke.” He peeled out the white cover of the cigarette and allowed the tobacco to burn. “This you see my friend , the ashes , this is what is becoming of you from within.Hollow !” he threw the cigarette now and smirked gently.
“Speaking about knowing life , I had lost my mother when I was six.I had loved a girl for 5 years who is getting engaged this weekend.We were never in a relationship.My brother died.You know why ? He gave into peer pressure.He smoked 2 packets in a single day.He started off with smoking 2 per day.Just like you asked me to do right now.It starts with “Even if I smoke a packet I wont get addicted.Turns into “I cant live without smoking sutta” He had lungs cancer.The last thing I heard him saying was “Don’t SMOKE.You’ll end up in a hospital room in the worst case just like me.” Anyways.I really don’t know what life is.I need to go back.Its already 11:30.Smoke as much as you want to.After all its your life.And ohh yeah just remember , please don’t throw the cigarette here , on the floor.You don’t love your life.But cockroaches do.Adios.” he smiled as he threw Krishna a disgusted glance , got up from the chair and walked out of the pub.
As he reached his house that night he sat down at the stairs near the entrance.He looked at the sky “Mumma , I told you ! One day.I’ll make you proud.Dada.I didn’t give in..I kept my promise.I learnt to say NO” he smiled as he looked at the sky. Two raindrops fell on his eyes and he smiled.

How about a sin tonight ?

Have you ever been in love withtwo people at the same time ? Have you ever hated so much that you wish tospray acid on their face and make their life as miserable as possible ? Haveyou ever loved so much that you write letters which you never dare to post ,and happily choose silence over confession ? Have you ever killed the personyou thought you LOVE D?
If you havent or even if you have , i will suggest you to read HOW ABOUT A SINTONIGHT.
From the best selling author of That kiss in the rain and A thing beyondforever.
Its a chilling tale of obsession , love , betrayal , vengeance , hatredand tragedy all at the same time.By the end of the novel you findyourself face to face with just one question "Is life /love really assimple as it seems or is it as intriguing as the lives of the 5 protagonist inthe novel" If not anywhere close to theirs , the novel will surely answeryour questions about the complexities of life and love.

While reading Shahraan and Mehfils story you can only help but wonder “Doessuch love truly exists in todays world.One as pure as theirs.?”
"What do you call a smile when it falls in love?"
"A tear drop"
Shahraan ali Bakshi who is in Bombay to become a super star meets Mehfil in asweet serendipity and several others follow , till they realise that thoughtheir love was forbidden their souls were interwined in a such a special waythat no worldly relation can define it.At the end of the day it was worth everyrisk.When Shahraan meets Reva , readers are forced to wonder if love truly canhappen twice or not , the answers to which one finds by the end of book 3"Whispers of a sin"
Reva and Neev , Complex.Very complex.Live in relationship and analmost open relationship . Their struggle from rags to riches is intriguing and a little heart wrenching as well.Funny what the dream city can do to you ! On their way they meet so many random people , who by the end of the story again turn out to play the most significant role in their life and that is absolutely wonderfully penned down.
Nishani Rai , the bitch at heart.If there are categories of bitches then she was a category in herself.When i first started reading"Cries of a sin" I hated Nishani more than anything , but by the endof book three "Whispers of a sin" i loved her more than anything.After all she was just a kid trying to understand the theory of Seperation and acceptance. "I dont care what others thing , but for methere couldnt be a happier ending.Me looking into my fathers eyes and saying"I love you" :')
The reason behind the entire mess up - Nishani Rai.Iwont reveal much and spoil your reading experience but understanding Nishaani'scharacter is a tough task to do.Trust me , she will make you wanna swear at herand then cry for her at the same time
And in the end , Kaash , the Sweetest and my favorite character. "Why doesn't sun come a lil closer to earth ? Cuz it knws a step forward nd it will burn the earth beyond recognition.so sometimes distance is what is necessary to keep a relationship a relationship"From being a living paradox to a living example of what sacrifice truly is ,Kaash never fails to leave a smile on your face by his unexpected behavior.
The climax, as it turns out , is disturbing at a point and makes you swing between the pendulum of hatred and sympathy at the same time.Also throwing light upon the dark truth of the silver screen and the hogwash of the image a television artist and film star carries ,how about a sin tonight will certainly changes your opinion forever about the glamour and simple story we think bollywood is. If you are looking for some serious read and a page turner then How about a sin tonight is the book to go for.With some really good lesson to impart to everyone and also the complex questions about love and life , how about a sin tonight has every thing to fall in love with.I am not being biased , but seldom do I find myself praising a book so much. I give it 4.5 stars out of 5 J
Happy reading people

How do I fare "thee" well. ?

It has never crossed our mind what tomorrow will be like.Only yesterday i was talking to one of my friend abhilasha and it triggered such an intense feeling of nostalgia.It compelled me to think how i will bid adieu to my friends i made in high school ? Two years and we are  insperable.I dont really have many friends to start with.May be 7 .And sadly four of them are pure science students ! Daym it.Three of them are my classmates and are preparing for Corporate law , the same course that  i am preparing for.That being said  , i was wondering how will we ever relive the moments spent here ? How will we spend a day without giving each other a detailed account of how our day was ?
Conversations which usually started with "Abey kamine".Laughters and tears , the two impression of every expression,where will we get the deja senti again ? This feeling and unrest streaks within me every time a timeline is completed.Last time i found myself pondering upon this topic  was when i passed standard 10th.Two years later i seem to have known quiet too much about life and relations and guess what ? I am yet to know too much about it.I have realised that goodbyes will always hurt.Photographs wont replace the feeling of being there , being with them , the only thing that will be static will be the fact that we once shared the most treasured memories of our life.
From now on what happens , no memory will be strong enough to replace the memories of these two years.The fact that in all probabilities all of my best friends will be in different cities or different countries as a matter of fact  , is making this goodbye more emotional.
May be tomorrow we will be in contact via Im's , BBM , GMAIL , FB etc. But certainly they wont replace the million dollar smile which lightened up our mood  and adorned our face when we greeted our best buddies with the slangs.Tomorrow may be we will make 100s of new college friends.Friends who will know what we are,but certainly wont have any idea , why we are so.
The Rat race has already started. Excel in boards , excel in CLAT , Crack AIEE , IITJEE , AIPMT etc etc.And when you get there you find out to ur utter surprise that the race has just begun. The race for becoming the best amongst the rest.Do we even know whats waiting for us ? A world which is more demanding , more callous . A life with no second chances but with make it or break it situations. When we're done with this rat race , the main race begins. The race for surviving in this world,  to earn a living , to settle down with the most elligible partner,have a well furnished house , a ferrari in the parking lot , best electronic gadgets and amazing foreign tours.No doubt most of us get most of the above mentioned luxuries but only at the cost of the little joys of life. Pocket money will change into salary , friends into acquiantance.leisure would then mean going out to some club for playing pool rather than going on a scooty drive on the airport road with our best buddies.
Somewhere we will miss the innumerable excuses we made to attend a party , while we will be stopping our kids from staying out late at night.We will miss the late night telephonic conversations about every crap possible.How we threw up after tasting alchohol for the first time,how we saved money to buy that ONE dress which we had set eye upon.How we managed to have the best quality food at a cost of rs 50. While we will continue to live in the present a part of us will certainly dwell in the past thinking about how it was back then.The rainfall will remind me of how i used to call up my friends and we used to go on endlessly about how romantic the weather is.Every message or ping on BBM will somewhere make us yearn that it is from some distant long lost friend.
I know its hypothetical because coming days we will be too busy to even think about these things . but sometime we will think about the plans we used to make , every dream we shared , every wish which remained unfulfilled, every smile we cherished , every tear we wiped away , there will automatically be a smile on our face and we will just utter "I miss those days man ! I really do" Someday we will visit tthe place again , look at the large gate , the chairs and the blackboard,the secret hangout spots and what not.I will miss the screams of joy , the feeling of togetherness , the feeling of having people to fall back upon , people whom i will never see again in the coming 5 years or may be all my life , probably the people who matter the most , a smile will follow along with two teardrops for sure.
This is just a note , to thank all those people who have made me what i am today.A promise to find solace in the memories , to keep in touch , to cherish the lost childhood and take a nostalgic odessey of the old good days every time i am vexed.
We may be parting our ways today , but i am sure somewhere in some far off place i will recognize your face..I wont say goodbye my friend..for you and i..Will meet again :)

The publishing industry and the dark truth

Ravinder singh , Novoneel chakraborty , Durjoy Dutta , Sudeep Nagarkar are the names which have dominated the Indian book market in the recent time. They started with Srishti, (which was also called the KING of the publishing world) once upon a time.

I remember how I and many other aspiring authors dreamt of getting published with Srishti. But dear friends, it’s ALL ABOUT TIME.

The big names have finally terminated  the contracts and have moved out..Its reputation is hitting an all time low. And the once awesome distribution of Srishti is better if not talked about.
I talked to some authors and I came to know that Srishti gives no Royalty figure (which is Rs 5 / book.) and no sales figure. Published authors don’t even get reply to their mails inquiring about their sales figure. Disappointing. The only option they are left with is to move out and publish with some good publishing house.

Now the question arises where will the new authors go?

Harper Collins, grey oak, penguin are distant dream for new authors. The funniest thing, I have come across while reading the “Publish with us” section of some xyz big publishing house. Who writes like this? If you are already published with Rupa, Penguin or you are famous journalist, then submit your script otherwise we won’t look at your script. I remember very well that when they opened their publishing house, they had the vision to give voice to new talented authors but with the passage of time, they have lost their vision. Writing such condition before submitting is a clear indicator of that. Even Harper and Penguin don’t put their criteria like this. Funnily enough. Obviously they want classy writing style, which most of the new authors don’t have. Therefore they are left with no choice but to fall prey to the Indian publishing houses that have a bad monopoly. They don’t spend a penny on promotion. Author has to do everything. I heard that too if an author’s doesn’t promote book well, then Srishti doesn’t give importance to that mail, deliberately avoids his/her mails and never replies to his/her query. Moreover they don’t have editors.

If you have read Srishti's books then you must’ve noticed the conspicuous grammatical errors. Sometimes its irritating to spot a mistake in every second sentence a novice writes.

Another factor which contributes massively towards the increasing monopoly of this house is the Indian mentality. Readers are ready to spend 200 bucks for ridiculous movies like houseful 2. Or else they always look for friend’s copies or ask authors to give him/her a free copy, if he/she is a friend of the author, but they will purchase only that book which cost 100 or 125 maximum.

Obviously the authors are "once common people" who did have the same mentality. They know if the cost exceeds Rs 100 , their book won’t become a best seller anytime soon. So they contact cheap publishing houses. Now this is where the exploitation starts.

Which includes forcing writers to write intimate scenes. (They know this sells well...), not replying to their mails once they get published, not giving the actual sales figure and much more. No doubt some of the biggest publishing houses are on the brink of collapse (if you know which PH I mean) The Indian book industry somehow runs on how many intimate scene a book has to offer. Most of the books are a replica of the dirty picture. Modernization is good, but to the point where love is not confused with lust. Funnily enough we have modernized so much that lets say if the name of the book is "Love story" we buy it keeping in mind it is a "Lust story". Frankly speaking I guess somewhere this is what most of the aspiring authors have to offer. Or let’s say they are FORCED to offer...A lil bit of decency please? Let’s say our new honchos try to copy Jackie Collins somehow or the other, missing out on the decency part. Most of the books are lost amidst the huge cabinets of books with identical names, mushy lines from Hindi movies, little or No classic literature and Romantic and poignant scenes stolen from English movies, which somehow fail to weave the same magic ...Because if it sells, it is ought to be a bestseller..Again...Did I miss, we live in a country where a best seller is determined by the number of copies it sells and not the number of lived it effects?

With all the famous authors moving out , who made it what it is today ,  Srishti is left with the memories of being the once king of the publishing world. Their monopoly had increased too much so that they sent books only on order by stores. Their once famous promotion and distribution is now what no author dreams of at least for his first book.

But with Srishti on the brink of collapse I am sure there are so many dreams at stake as well. Most of the big publishing houses don’t give a chance to the newbee's. You can kill yourself waiting for a reply from penguin or Rupa or Harper Collins but I can assure you about the very fact that there isn’t a chance they will introduce a new debutant author in the market like they introduce a Chetan Bhagat book. No I am not being biased, but the simple point which I want to throw light upon is "Why give so much of importance to someone who is already at his careers best? Why not give a chance to the struggling authors who despite of having ample talent, potential and determination have to face disappointment only because they are NEWBEE's ?

Is this what we preach in a country where "Equality" is considered to be an important component of the constitution?

Even if you get selected I can assure you they won’t give you the much needed exposure. They will promote only those books which come from the kitty of best selling authors. End result = like in India rich are becoming richer and poor are becoming poorer, in the book industry, the already famous are becoming more famous and richer (with 8% and 10% royalty and 50k advance: if what I heard is true). The publishers like Srishti,  of royalty with no advance. While the struggling writers keep on struggling and hoping that someday they will be recognized worldwide for their talent.

Yesterday night I was talking to a friend of mine who is a bestselling author, told me that he always gets one-third less royalty than what he expects. Yes. Another reason why Srishti is on the brink of collapse is their unprofessional behaviour.They say "Its all about fame..And not the MONEY" . What’s the problem in paying right amount? They should remember that they make money by selling these author’s copies.

While writers outside India are earning millions, Indian authors hardly get the royalty due. Who is to be blamed? It is for you to decide. Another need of the hour is certainly good editors.

Some books instead of having grammatical mistakes ,so conspicuous, make up to the best sellers list. I am yet to figure out how. With all due respect.

I will leave you here and let you decide where the Indian book industry is treading. If you find out the answer you are most welcome to share your views.

Again I am just another Indian who is using her Freedom of expression under article 19 20 21 and 22.Happy reading..Happy thinking..

The (broken) promise.

                                                       "The (broken) promise" 
"Promises should never be broken" , my mumum said .However,i never knew she would break hers.She was really close to me.She was more like my mother,the person i was closest to.She always said Life has its way of unexpectedly pulling the ground from under your feet.Till it happened to me,i always considered it to be utter bullshit and termed it as something that happened only in movies.Yet it did. 

 
Now , Mumum has always been an integral part of my life.Despite the 20 years age gap we got on really well.She was beautiful.Her black locks touched her knee and her fair white complexion reminded me of the serene snow covered mountains.She was such a rare and perfect combination of intelligence and maturity.She wrote excellent poetries.She got married when i was 5 and blessed my life with the most amazing brother one can ever dream of.I loved him more than anything and anyone else.And "Didi" meant every thing to him.Infact the first word which he uttered was "Did".So you see how much that kid mattered to me. Mumum would always tell me to control my temper and make a difference to the world..She used to hug me and wipped away my tears as she adviced me to make a different image for myself.To always think before acting.To always respect others opinion and ofcourse to help others as much as i can.I did horribly bad in my first prelims of std 7th,she adviced me to reach my full potential.And it was only because of her encouragement that i did pretty well in the final term.She always said "If i ever leave shona , i will always watch over you.You just study well and keep in mind that you have to do well." i hugged her and made her make a promise of never leaving me till i die.She had tears in her eyes.She stayed silent and smiled.

Till my second terminal examination i came to know that she had chronic kidney disease.I was 13.when i asked my parents they said "She would be fine.CKD is normal these days".To immature to use the internet , i believed them blindly.I would visit the church every sunday to pray for her recovery.I thought bribing jesus with chocolate would help.So i would always take a milky bar (When i was a kid , every time mumum visited me she gifted me a milky bar) as my offering to jesus.This went on for about 3 months.On november 14th , my uncle finally brought mumum to our place.She was my mothers sister.I was shocked to see her.He chubby cheeks had sunken and she had lost considerable amount of weight.There were dark circles all around her eyes.I flinched.I was scared.I couldnt believe she was my mumum.I hugged her.I had overheard a doctor saying she didnt have much time left.I wondered if this was it ? I brushed my thoughts away and asked her to sing me a lullaby that night.I rested my head on her lap as i went to sleep that night.The next morning i took her to the church and asked her to swear in front of jesus that she wont ever leave me.She caressed my hair and whispered "I wont".She was taken for dialysis.She survived the first dialysis even after the doctors accidently cut a vein which caused excessive bleeding.I thought god answered my prayers.She came back all smileys and said that she had kept her promise.However her health further detoriated in the coming weeks.She was taken for the second dialysis. I didnt care to pray that night.Instead i ordered pizza from a nearby shop and waited till mom brought her back.Mom returned only to tell me that Mumum's health was detoriating.And the doctors are on strike , so it is kind of hard for her to tolerate the dialysis.There was an eerie silence in my house the next day.

3rd december 2006.At around 12 pm i was informed that she had blood clotting.I was vexed.My mom asked if i would like to see mumum.But i was afraid to see the woman i loved the most in such a pathetic condition.From about 1pm the phone rang every moment and i just heard desperate cries of my grandmother that there are no doctors who are tending towards mumum.Finally at 2:07 pm the phone rang.It was my grandmother."She is dead"i couldnt believe what i was hearing.I was in daze.I didnt know what hit me.I think when something like this happens we go into denial mode to cope.I wasnt crying.I was numb.Mom dad and I went to the hospital accompanied by all our neighbours.Every one loved her.I saw my brother.He was smiling.He came and hugged me.He didnt say anything just looked at me.Seeing him smile i started to cry.I touched mumum.She wasnt moving.There was a peaceful look on her face.I screamed and ran away .I hated her.She had broken her promise.God had broken his.I wanted to yell out that it was bloody unfair and i wanted to tell every one to disappear.I wanted her back.From ashes to ashes.It was all over. 
                                        
That night my brother and I laid awake. He asked me for a promise which any sister would hate to keep.

"Didi - how do you think i will die" he asked 
"Hmm..I dont know" I hugged him. 
"I wish god made a world where no one ever died.She wont come back na?" he asked innocently. "I wish that too.And she is with us.I wish i could bring her back.I wish you could just be 7 forever" "No didi.I want to become a doctor.I wont ever go on strikes.I Will cure people."he said innocently. "Specialize in CKD" He didnt say anything. "Didi do you promise that you wont ever leave me" "Why will i leave you bro.I'd hate that." "Do you promise that you won't die before me?"he asked. "I promise" We laid in silence,each of us lost in our thoughts.That night he held me tight and drifted off to sleep.