The (broken) promise.

                                                       "The (broken) promise" 
"Promises should never be broken" , my mumum said .However,i never knew she would break hers.She was really close to me.She was more like my mother,the person i was closest to.She always said Life has its way of unexpectedly pulling the ground from under your feet.Till it happened to me,i always considered it to be utter bullshit and termed it as something that happened only in movies.Yet it did. 

 
Now , Mumum has always been an integral part of my life.Despite the 20 years age gap we got on really well.She was beautiful.Her black locks touched her knee and her fair white complexion reminded me of the serene snow covered mountains.She was such a rare and perfect combination of intelligence and maturity.She wrote excellent poetries.She got married when i was 5 and blessed my life with the most amazing brother one can ever dream of.I loved him more than anything and anyone else.And "Didi" meant every thing to him.Infact the first word which he uttered was "Did".So you see how much that kid mattered to me. Mumum would always tell me to control my temper and make a difference to the world..She used to hug me and wipped away my tears as she adviced me to make a different image for myself.To always think before acting.To always respect others opinion and ofcourse to help others as much as i can.I did horribly bad in my first prelims of std 7th,she adviced me to reach my full potential.And it was only because of her encouragement that i did pretty well in the final term.She always said "If i ever leave shona , i will always watch over you.You just study well and keep in mind that you have to do well." i hugged her and made her make a promise of never leaving me till i die.She had tears in her eyes.She stayed silent and smiled.

Till my second terminal examination i came to know that she had chronic kidney disease.I was 13.when i asked my parents they said "She would be fine.CKD is normal these days".To immature to use the internet , i believed them blindly.I would visit the church every sunday to pray for her recovery.I thought bribing jesus with chocolate would help.So i would always take a milky bar (When i was a kid , every time mumum visited me she gifted me a milky bar) as my offering to jesus.This went on for about 3 months.On november 14th , my uncle finally brought mumum to our place.She was my mothers sister.I was shocked to see her.He chubby cheeks had sunken and she had lost considerable amount of weight.There were dark circles all around her eyes.I flinched.I was scared.I couldnt believe she was my mumum.I hugged her.I had overheard a doctor saying she didnt have much time left.I wondered if this was it ? I brushed my thoughts away and asked her to sing me a lullaby that night.I rested my head on her lap as i went to sleep that night.The next morning i took her to the church and asked her to swear in front of jesus that she wont ever leave me.She caressed my hair and whispered "I wont".She was taken for dialysis.She survived the first dialysis even after the doctors accidently cut a vein which caused excessive bleeding.I thought god answered my prayers.She came back all smileys and said that she had kept her promise.However her health further detoriated in the coming weeks.She was taken for the second dialysis. I didnt care to pray that night.Instead i ordered pizza from a nearby shop and waited till mom brought her back.Mom returned only to tell me that Mumum's health was detoriating.And the doctors are on strike , so it is kind of hard for her to tolerate the dialysis.There was an eerie silence in my house the next day.

3rd december 2006.At around 12 pm i was informed that she had blood clotting.I was vexed.My mom asked if i would like to see mumum.But i was afraid to see the woman i loved the most in such a pathetic condition.From about 1pm the phone rang every moment and i just heard desperate cries of my grandmother that there are no doctors who are tending towards mumum.Finally at 2:07 pm the phone rang.It was my grandmother."She is dead"i couldnt believe what i was hearing.I was in daze.I didnt know what hit me.I think when something like this happens we go into denial mode to cope.I wasnt crying.I was numb.Mom dad and I went to the hospital accompanied by all our neighbours.Every one loved her.I saw my brother.He was smiling.He came and hugged me.He didnt say anything just looked at me.Seeing him smile i started to cry.I touched mumum.She wasnt moving.There was a peaceful look on her face.I screamed and ran away .I hated her.She had broken her promise.God had broken his.I wanted to yell out that it was bloody unfair and i wanted to tell every one to disappear.I wanted her back.From ashes to ashes.It was all over. 
                                        
That night my brother and I laid awake. He asked me for a promise which any sister would hate to keep.

"Didi - how do you think i will die" he asked 
"Hmm..I dont know" I hugged him. 
"I wish god made a world where no one ever died.She wont come back na?" he asked innocently. "I wish that too.And she is with us.I wish i could bring her back.I wish you could just be 7 forever" "No didi.I want to become a doctor.I wont ever go on strikes.I Will cure people."he said innocently. "Specialize in CKD" He didnt say anything. "Didi do you promise that you wont ever leave me" "Why will i leave you bro.I'd hate that." "Do you promise that you won't die before me?"he asked. "I promise" We laid in silence,each of us lost in our thoughts.That night he held me tight and drifted off to sleep.