The wedding ring : Chapter 2 "Where is Nihal ?"

Farewell Night

                                   She ran her fingers through the best brands that adorned her wardrobe.Not being able to chose which dress to wear , she banged the door of the wardrobe with frustration.May be it was not the dress dilemma after all , may be it was Nihal.Why was she even thinking of him ? Why was she even wasting her time in deciding what to wear ? Putting on her best wouldn’t make any difference.Putting on the best attire wouldn’t make Nihal fall in love with her.Her mind raced back to the innumerable award ceremonies she had attended , where she had received those awards , when thundering rounds of applauds had echoed in the halls and when despite of thousands of people appreciating her success and achievement,it  came down to nothing without his smile , without his “Congrats” , without his hug , without HIM.Even though she had every thing , she had no one to share it with. Her parents had passed away in a flight crash six years ago.No relatives ofcourse.She had worked day and night to become the best , to earn her living , to lead a luxurious life , to leave everything behind and start afresh. But she knew deep within , that it was just an effort to keep away the memories of yesteryears , to keep herself occupied was the best option. She had quiet given up at the concept of marriage ofcourse , for she could never stand any guy after Nihal.Even though innumerable guys had fallen for her , she neither gave way to their feelings nor paid attention to the sonnets and odes they had written for her.On the out she was an arrogant feminist but behind those eyes lurked the hidden forbidden desires of unanswered cravings and unrequited feelings. Her love was unextinguishable.Her dreams unattainable. How would she face the man she had been running away reluctantly from, for years . The man who had her heart in his fists without slightest knowledge. She looked at the clock. It was 1o clock already. She wiped away her careless tears. Once again she opened her wardrobe and tried to search for an outfit , only in vain. Until she went on her toes and looked for something in the top shelves.She lost her balance and minutes later she was lying on the floor and next to her was a red packet covered with dust. “Aah” she massaged her back. She slowly reached for the packet and unpacked it. She kept on looking at the red salwar.
“I guess red suits you” his voice echoed in her ears.She had brought the suit from the same shop which also had her dream wedding dress. Knowing that her parents wouldn’t allow and Nihal would laugh at her naive behaviour of having worn a bridal dress for the school’s farewell night , she had brought the Red Salwar.And farewell night ofcourse had been a witness to innumerable proposals , love songs dedications and hostile gazes from girls.
While Nihal was dressed in his Royal blue Sherwani and had turned on hundreds of girls with his charming smile and well built muscular body. That night , beneath the blanket of stars co incidentally they had ended up dancing together. Ofcourse they weren’t on talking terms.She had swayed her waist elegantly while grasping his firm shoulders . His hands were warm like sunbeam and her hands were cold like ice.She had avoided every possible eye contact ,but she had felt his gaze penetrating through her soul. And when their eyes had met , she was sure that she could die a thousand deaths to hold his hands forever , she was sure she could walk on fire if it meant she would get him.
“I want to tell you how deeply I have fallen for you Nihaal. I cant be just friends with you, anymore. But you love Alice. Then why , why does your touch feel so familiar  ? why does your gaze set my emotions ablaze ? Why does it always feel that may be you feel the same way too ? You have no idea how flawless you look in this Royal blue shade, I feel like looking at you forever.What are you doing to me Nihaal Singhwi.How will I spend my life without you ? If this is the end of our story then I wish time stops.Even though this is farewell , it feels like we will meet again., i dread the idea of meeting you again.To be frank I am scared that we’ll meet again.Because next time we meet I am sure I’ll end up falling deeper ,I might end up telling you how much I love you.”
“Kahin to Kahin to Hai nasha..Teri meri har mulakat me..” the music took them to some distant world. It was funny how she was able to connect with the lyrics.But this was the end. The final farewell.  Farewell Night. The last dance.The last touch.Nihaal pulled her closer , she flinched. The moonlight casted a perfect spotlight on Nihals face and it resembled some seraph,his silky hair ,now ruffled, danced carelessly to the music of the zephyr. “You look beautiful.I guess red suits you” He whispered in her ears. Her heartbeats grew shorter until she could not hear it anymore.She looked at him. Alarmed , as if every single word was making her fall harder. She tried to release herself from his clutch. But he grasped her hands tighter and pulled her closer. “You are free to leave Lipika Sondhi.But before you leave take my best wishes  for your imaginary boyfriend.Let him know that he came between two best friends” he whispered coarsely . Lipika was on the verge of tears, but she somehow swallowed them. “I will.If you promise to tell Alice that she came between us.” Lipika looked into his eyes and spoke in an undefeated tone. Nihals clutch loosened. She turned back and started to walk away.But there was something that was not letting her move , quiet literally she felt a jerk on her neck.She flinched. She turned around to see her dupatta entwined in Nihals Kada. “If it may please you two , Nihal and Lipika , can you please step up on the stage and receive your award ? We have been calling out your name for such a long time now.” The master of ceremony announced in a rather sarcastic tone. They looked at each other blankly .Not being able to untangle the dupatta, they went on stage to accept the award. “Whats this award for ?” Nihal questioned. “Mr. And Miss Popular ofcourse. Oh and to add spice to the clichéd award ceremony we have a new award “Made for Each other.” And ofcourse unanimously you two have been chosen as the winner.So do you mind taking the award and posing for a photograph?” The master of ceremony finished his explanation and handed over the award to Nihal and Lipika. They were supposed to receive it together. But god bless the entwined dupatta , the photographer got his perfect click. No sooner had Nihaal lifted his hands to receive the award than  Lipika’s dupatta slipped from her bare shoulders. Nihaal , without caring about the big gathering had turned towards Lipika and lifted her dupatta from the ground , he had then stepped closer to her and placed it in the same position while mumbling a soft apology in her ears, which had made her turn crimson within no time. They had then received the award together. And these precious moments were captured in the DSRL camera and printed within one week and posted to there address.Videos were made and songs were dedicated to them on every Orkut community . A video went viral amongst the students of st. Xaviers , which had a timeline of their pictures from the ethnic night and various other events during their stay at St. Xaviers for 14 years. Nihal and Lipika were the stars of St. Xaviers even after they had left. Despite of the fact they weren’t together, people continued to say that they were made for each other. If not anything it only rubbed salt on Lipika’s wound.The trend had only slowed down after Nihal and Lipika had gone abroad for further studies and the subsiding batches had passed out.For people  it was everything but a tag now “Lipika and Nihaal ? They were made for each other”

KulfiWala's  , 12th December 1:45 pm

December 12th 1:30

She knew what to wear now. She changed into the Red traditional wear. Strangely it looked as good as new. She dabbed some kohl and Lipgloss.Started her Skoda’s engine and moved towards her destination. “What will I Tell him when I see him . How will he react. Why does he want to meet me. I hope he doesn’t see love in my eyes” Engrossed in all these thoughts , her car came to a screeching hault near the Kulf walas. She raised her glares and looked at the surrounding. It was the same.The fragrance  of nostalgia reached her nostrils.She could see him talking with two kids and then buying them icecreams. He still looked the same or may be not.May be there was too much of similarity between him and her memories of him.As she descended the car and started walking towards him she felt as if her heart would literally come out of her mouth. After all this time she was feeling those butterflies in her stomach again. Courtesy being Nihals one sight. As he walked closer she slowly began to notice the differences. But she didn’t care about the difference. He was standing in front of her , in flesh and in blood. Dressed in a royal blue formal shirt and his hair ruffled as usual and  she wondered if she would ever stop blushing in his presence. “Hi” she tried to speak but nothing came out. “ I missed you so much” , yet again nothing came out. “Nihaal” finally ! No sooner had she spoken his name , Nihal pulled her closer and embraced her in a bone crushing hug. She hugged him back apprehensively. “I missed you Lipika.I am so glad you came” Nihal whispered in her ears. “Nihal . I  , I missed you too. I would have come no matter what . After all you are getting married.” her grip tightened as she completed her sentence. As if never wanting to let him go. Nihal slowly loosened his clutch. Raised his head and looked at her seriously and said “Thats what I need to talk to you about.” He adjusted his spects and ran fingers through his ruffled hairs. It sent shivers down her spine. “Need to talk about the wedding ? You are getting married to Alice. Right ?”
she asked coldly,hoping against hope that he would deny. Tell her that he wanted to marry her. But the answer defeated her yet again “Yes.I am.” Her world had shattered yet again........

Bhagwan Das Hospital , December 12th 7:30pm

December 12^th
7:30 pm Bhagwan Das Hospital.

Its been 2 hours now , I have been asking every one where is Nihal but no one is ready to answer . I have been begging , puking blood. I am in ICU.My broken leg hurts. My head is bleeding profusely.I am not able to move my left hand.I’ve heard them say that its broken.My neck and my skin is feeling the stinging , blinding pain , as if tons of burning cigar have been extinguished on my bodyIn this mind numbing excruciating pain I cant think of anything but Nihal . I want to hug him and tell him “YES NIHAL SINGHVI.YES I LOVE YOU.I WILL BE WITH YOU FOREVER.”. I feel like I am falling in the dungeon of despair and pain.I guess I can see death.But it wont come easy. Not until I feel Nihals touch ,one last time. But instead I can see Alice.What she told me ten minutes ago , I am stil trying to take in. I am unable to speak.My voice has choked. I can only speak couple of words in a minute.I am just crying and turning my head to ask them questions.Alice , what did Alice tell me ?  “No. I am not marrying him.” Why cant she ? But Nihal told me he will marry Alice. I guess my eyes are closing again. “Alice why cant you marry Nihal” . Someone please ask  Nihal to come here. I am dying.Where is Nihal ?

The wedding ring : Chapter 1 (Yester-years . We were BEST FRIENDS FOREVER)

“I want to meet you” she stared at the text blankly as the memories danced before her eyes.”Why?” she replied hesitantly.
“I am getting engaged this week.
Will be settling in states .can we meet one last time ?”
“Married” she was in a daze. All her dreams of standing next to him , wearing the red bridal dress that flaunted itself in the showroom opposite Kulfiwala’s , Kulfiwala , where they used to fight over the last bite of the famous “Badam Kulfi” of Dehradoon , after taking a long walk down the “Mall road” every evening.
In her chirpy voice she had often declared "I want a church wedding". To which Nihal had often replied "Tujhse shadi kaun karega Jhalli.Gay marriage is not allowed in India my Boi." (Who will marry you. ) Seeing her smile fade off , Nihaal had wrapped his hands around her shoulder and pulled her cheeks lovingly "Koi nahi mila tujhe to mai karlunga" (If you dont get anyone then I'll marry you) Lipika would immedietly start chuckling and reply after sharing a round of laughter "Nihal.You will get a firang when you move out of India.".He would inch closer to her and whisper in his husky voice "Koi nahi.Double timing kar lenge.Bhag chalenge shadi ke bad"(Never mind.We'll run away after marriage). And the sun would have plunged into the oblivion and the moon would have adorned the pitch dark sky , smiling at their innocent laughter and immaterial future plans. But alas , it had been seven years since they had walked down that road.Ages since the nature had been a witness of their never ending friendshp Four years since their eyes had last met. Innumerous turns of   unjust life and each night was spent in wakeful agony , searching the farthest recesses of her mind , wondering what went wrong and  how to bring him back ? And now after what seemed like a lifetime he only had returned to tell her that he was getting married.
“Meet me at Creme centre tomorrow at 1 pm” she tasted the salty tears rolling down unabated to her mouth.
She threw away her cellphone in despair.Hanging on to all their memories had been difficult.The wind rustled through the big glass windows facing the west , that gave her a panaromic view of the jinxed city. She banged the table with her fist as she sobbed bitterly
“Can we meet today itself ?”
“What time ? Where ?”
“Lipika , remember Kulfi walas ? ?”

The message immediately brought back a thousand memories.How she used to steal chocolates from his bags after school and how he would eat her lunch every afternoon and she would never complaint..How he had confessed he liked a girl in their tution , one fine evening , while sitting on the tattered jute chair near Kulfiwala- their favorite Kulfi shop.How she had played the cupid for Nihal and Alice and how nothing had remained the same in the years that followed.No more evening walks , no more Kulfiwala , no more talking about every thing, no more casual flirting , no more late night conversations and above all “No more Nihal” How she wished she could undo that moment where she had forced him to attend the physics tution on 22nd of December.They would have happily watched a movie that evening , maybe had a heart to heart conversation , followed by a bike ride and may be  just may be she would have had realized after those moments of nothingness , that she was in love with him. Always.But she had to realize it only after  it was too late. Too late to bring him back  too late to not end up being just a friend.After Alice and Nihal completed their one year of togetherness , she had locked herself in the girls washroom and cried through the day. She saw them kiss that morning. Her breakdown and the tears that flooded the washroom an evidence of the heart wrenching pain she underwent.

One sultry summer afternoon while walking down the mall road he had hugged her from behind.He wanted to catch up. She had flinched and jerked him off. Feeling his lost touch her heart raced a marathon and she felt weak in her knees. But how could Nihal not see that she loved him? How could he be in love with Alice ? What is it that Alice had that she didn’t ? Lipika Gupta was the girl guys would trade their lives for. For that charming pleasant smile of hers.About those dove like hazel eyes guys would write poems and sing songs.The way she swayed her waist while dancing or playing basket ball , was the hot topic of discussion in every food court and canteen. “But she is dating that Nihaal from Xaviers.She is anyways an arrogant bitch when it comes to love. And if you dare look at her Nihaal will feed your eyes to an eagle  and make sure you are never seen in dehradoon again.” Another rumor had it “No they are not together Lipika has a thing for Nihal. He is dating a girl outside his community. Lipika Gupta is now single,” While a bunch of plastics believed “Nihal is like some greek god ! And Lipika , she is the perfect example of manufacturing went wrong. Misfit !” As opposed to this there were those silly jilly’s who believed in fables and love stories. Who read Nicholas sparks and believed in Fairy tales “Nihal and Lipika. They are perfect for each other. They are born for each other” But how did it matter as long as they were not together ?

After the basketball match between Xaviers and De’nobli , when Nihal had seen Lipika flirting with the muscular built , six foot frame , fair English guy, he had dragged her through the corridors to an empty classroom and shouted at her “What the hell do you think you are doing ? How dare you flirt with him ? Are you out of your mind ?” after a heated argument and a lot of accusations when Nihal had banged his fist on the window , pinning Lipika involuntarily to the wall , she had felt his warm breath on her bare neck. Seeing his hand bleed profusely she had clinged it to her chest and cried , while Nihal had stared at her wondering how he had failed to see that beautiful side of his best friend ? While tying his injured hand with her dupatta they had almost kissed. She had ran out of the room and not responded to his calls for three long months. She ended up lying that she was seeing someone who was way too possessive and didn’t fancy the idea of her hanging out with guys. He had accepted it reluctantly after battling his confused emotions and carrying forward the male tradition of “never accept your feelings for your best friend” They had never seen each other again after completing  12th boards.While Lipika went to Singapore University to pursue international relations , Nihal pursued business administration and mastered in patents and trademark law along with MBA from Harvard business school.And now the man of Lipika's dreams was getting married.Nihal was getting married.The mere thought made her  sick and she felt nauseous.After a wait of 9 long years , the CEO of Singhvi associates wanted to meet the Chairperson of Sondhi HR consultants.If not anything it was going to be utterly difficult , to face the man she had loved passionately , hopelessly , unwillingly for 9 years.
“Ofcourse I do.Meet me there in an hour she texted back,wiped away her tears and walked towards her changing room as the memories of the yester - years danced in front of her eyes.For a brief moment , even after all the time  it felt as if life would start making sense all over again.

My moonlit pilgrimage by Dr. Sasiprabha Ps - Book review

The story is about a long distance relationship that starts like every other modern day love story - Via facebook.And that ofcourse makes you wonder why should you read this book ? What is it that makes it stand apart from the crowd of such love stories coming up every other day.The answer is - the way the conversations of the virtual world are described along with the vivid imagery that leaves you mesmerized making it hard for you to differentiate between a face to face conversation and a telephonic or online communication.No doubt , the authoress has put in a lot of effort and has succeeded to a large extent in making her work and story stand apart and set a bench mark for debutant authors.

However there are certain things I would like to point out.At places it becomes quiet difficult for an am-mature reader to grasp what the protagonist is trying to convey due to the ambiguity in the writing.At places the telephonic conversations become monotonous and lack of clarity makes the story dull..At places the story seems to be moving too fast and at places it seems to be too slow.At places one can find themselves struggling to find out whether the speaker is a girl or a guy.It is only after reading the first few pages that you realize whether the speaker is a guy or a girl. However the beautiful description and the flow of sentences compensates for the loopholes.The story does what it is meant to do - make you nostalgic and leave you smiling for hours remembering some forgotten memories of a relationship.Some descriptions - for example "From the dissolving citadel of your consciousness it will take your music out , from yearning threshold of your unfolding dreams it will take our music out. Betwixt the earth and the sky , betwixt the shade and light , betwixt the sprig and drought , betwixt the life and death , it will channel your inner flight" leave the reader mesmerized and yearning for more.My moonlit pilgrimage is - simplicity adorned with elegance - straight from the heart.I'll give 3/5 stars. Half a star extra for the beautiful poetic narration ofcourse.

~~**~~Memories : Nostalgia ~~**~~

Memories act in a strange way. Memories are what warm you up from the inside. But they're also what tear you apart.”They have a habit of knocking at our door when we least expect it to and there we are , thinking of every thing that we should have forgotten long ago. There we are standing alone in a crowded room admist loud music and shrieks of joy.

Yes I find myself in this situtation quiet often these days.I dont know whether its the winter effect but certainly I have turned quieter than I used to be. I am less cheerful than I used to be.I dont know if it is the December effect . But certainly I think more than I used to , I get angry. MORE OFTEN THAT I USED TO. I dont know whether its called growing old , but I certainly know a lil more about life.MORE THAN I USED TO.

Memories.Memories. I have some faint memories this winter.Faint memories of sitting on the shinning grass , gazing at the sun and dreaming of things that could have happened.Faint memories of laughter , hugs and kisses.I have the stinging memory of laying the person I loved the most to rest in her grave.I have faint memories of waking up one fine morning and knowing that my british flower was no more.I have faint memories of sobbing faintly every night. I have faint memories of unspoken words and unjumbeled feelings.The feeling of talking to my best friend and the faint memory of that one night when I lost that awesome friendship.I have memories of the endless wait , the feeling of destitute , the feeling of having something within you , smothering . In the end , I have memories of the things which never happened.Which could have happened..And it took me a long time to realize the fact that no matter what , you can never let go off these faint memories“Memories are bullets. Some whiz by and only spook you. Others tear you open and leave you in pieces.
Songs and smells will bring you back to a moment in time more than anything else. It's amazing how much can be conjured with a few notes of a song or a solitary whiff of a room. A song you didn't even pay attention to at the time, a place that you didn't even know had a particular smell.I've never tried to block out the memories of the past, even though some are painful. I don't understand people who hide from their past. Everything you live through helps to make you the person you are now.

~*~*~*~That smashing destitute feeling ? Its fair to feel hopeless at times.~*~*~

You know that feeling ? That smashing destitute feeling. When you feel like life won’t ever  get better. When you feel like you’re lost with no direction. Nothing makes sense.You want to break down and cry but you cant. You want to scream out. But you cant. You want someone to understand you , empathize with you. Someone who would just listen to you and wont judge you.Then you realize probably the only friend who used to understand you no longer does.Or probably is too busy.And you realize you’re all alone. Therefore the smashing destitute feeling again. You want to be strong but you just cant seem to carry on.There are moments where you can’t get anything right no matter how hard you try.
Then you hear that whisper . Your innervoice.Which reminds you “Try a little harder. Be a lil stronger.Hold on a lil longer.And trust me.Happiness too will be yours.”

~*~Regret ?~*~ Say it now instead..~*~*~*

We often wait till its too late . Too often we fail to recognize the person who actually cares for us. Too often we  to fail to tell a person how much they mean to us. Too often we take people for granted and realize only after they’ve left that how much we’ve lost.Too often we avoid a person so much that they build walls around them to prevent us from entering their world again. Too often we realize…But its too late..
Regret – is a terrible feeling. The feeling of “What might have been” – EVEN WORSE.
People are mortal , memories aren’t. Why not create eternal memories and relation with the mortal being who is ready to sacrifice everything for your happiness ? Why not make the best of the opportunity you have NOW to make a person realize what he/she means to you ? Why not accept “I was wrong” and apologize rather than wait for the  other person to take the first step ?
There are people in your life with whom you’ve shared innumerable memorable laughters , smiles and tears. But have you stopped and THANKED them  for everything they did for you ? Or the way they made you feel ? Every one deserves to know what you think of them. Everyone loves knowing how much they mean to a certain person. Take out a moment from your busy life to tell others what they mean to you. I personally call it “Thank you messages”. Everytime someone makes me feel good or happy I text the person how happy his/her gesture made me feel. Or how much I treasured the moment we shared. No its not GAY (for all the peeves reading this post) , neither is it extra display of affection. I am just making sure that tomorrow if something happens to me – or the other person , I don’t have a regret that I died without telling a person how they made me feel or how much they mean to me.And I’ll spare the person the anticipation of what they meant to me . Life is short , don’t waste your life holding back and waiting for an opportune moment to tell your friends / family or lover – how much they mean to you. You needn’t do it too often , but make sure you do it when they’re near,. Don’t wait till its too late and have words chiseled on the grave stones.Say it now instead. Do it now instead.They might not even lend ears to your thoughtfulness once its too late. You’ll shout – you’ll cry. And then you’ll realize what you’ve lost but it will be too late to go back and take the chance which you waited forever to take. And as it is , time turners are almost impossible to find.

~~**For the less loved ~~**- "The Lonely"~~**~~

They seem to be extremely happy.Ever smiling. They laugh at the lamest jokes.They smile everytime someone looks at them. They hide behind a tough, arrogant and grumpy visage, with insolent eyes and insulting tongue, appearing as if they wont talk to anyone.But once you really look into their eyes u'll see how well they are hiding their pain.How wonderfully they are again smiling through it.How beautifully they are still keeping the promise made to someone "stay happy". They are the one's who are always there when u need them.But why do you end up saying "you wont understand my pain?" They are the shoulder to cry upon. Why do you end up leaving them when they need you the most ? They hide their disappointment behind their smile and veil their pain with silence. Why do you end up hurting them , disappointing them again and again ? Their face is covered with the wrinkeles of pain and the tears they have cried , while lying to themselves in desperate desperate hope - that come morning , everything will be fine."  the next day, despite the pain they manage to smile,.Why do you end up asking "You dont have big fat problems like I DO"  "I dont . I am absolutely perfect" they reply.

  "Why will you understand my pain ?
Why will you wonder why i am not the same ?
Why will you cry yourself to sleep ?
Why will you sink in so deep ?
Why will you know
Why will you weep all night ?
Nothings wrong with your sight.
Why will the pain feel like stabbing knife
 Your body isnt covered in hives.
Why will it hurt to breath or move ?
 Hypothetical. So i cant prove.
  I want to scream out loud.
But instead i smile.
Cuz the sound drowns in the crowd.
Why will you lay in bed
Do nothing all day. I smile through the pain , but only in vain.
Why will you understand ?
For you all that matters is your "Pain"

.They need to be cared for - once , they need to be assured -that u r and will b there for them.They need to be shown that they too deserve love. They might push you away initially , scared of getting hurt again. but they need you to try once.,just once. They need to be understood. - just once. !