"On a gloomy note" :Christmas Blues

I walk once more on those streets, except those streets have now turned into forbidden lanes.  I drift like a cloud on those forbidden lanes as a chill December wind scatters the evening mist. The air around me is saturated with memories, helplessness and sorrow. The hush of the evening thickens, the world around me is moving. Bells jingle somewhere, a choir performs the last song of the evening in the old grey church. Its almost Christmas. What am I doing on these streets, all alone? Am I not supposed to join my family for a Christmas dinner? Wait! What family? What dinner?
Then I ask myself. Am I not supposed to be setting up the stockings? Should I not be at home, decorating my Christmas tree? Perhaps not. Because if it were so, I would not drift alone on these streets. I would not tuck my hands in my leather jacket, a brandy bottle carefully in my upper pocket and make puffs of carbon dioxide. 

Another Christmas wish wasted. Another evening passed by. I still have not set up my Christmas tree. Perhaps, for the first time in twelve years, I am on the busy streets of the city, looking around, trying to locate that one face in amongst millions of unknown faces. I cannot find her. I cannot trace my way back to those December evenings when things were just alright. When we exhaled breaths of happiness, of joy, of dreams. Its unbelievable what time did to us. What we did to ourselves. Perhaps, it was always meant to be this way?
Was it? I'll never know. 

I walk down the streets which I had taken years ago, I can't find your trace. I am haunted by a deepening gloom. I am walking on a desolate street. It appears as though no one has walked on it for years. I turn around, people are running towards something. The noise resembles that of joyous shrieks and laughter. I don't belong to that crowd. My destination lies ahead. That house which is glowing with 'Darkness' on the Christmas Eve. I amble on. Lights dimly glow in the distance.

The candle flickers, melts, turns into brown snow.

A despondent sigh and tears in eyes so blue.
The road stares at me, its eyes jet black.
I stare back in horror, sniff on the
cuffs of my trench coat.
Every Christmas wish
wasted. Another
Year, without
You.